"Do you start a food plan or stop drinking, and everything is going great when out of nowhere you just say, "Oh, F--- it?"
For years, you may have been drinking, overeating or using mind altering substances. Now, you want to stop and change your behavior. You try everything, including rehab and again you fail. Out of nowhere, you just… do it again.
Some people have tried everything to stop drinking, using mind altering substances or to find relief after wrestling with an eating disorder. There may be a part of themselves that may be able to help. It may even be that the same part that appears to be causing the problem, may have the answer.
Often the part of us that can help is the part of ourselves we are angry at, scolding and punishing that part of ourselves that is not doing what we think should be done. Judging and accusing ourselves for lack of willpower or defiance, actually making things worse. But we find out that shaming, blaming, belittling or ignoring the part of ourselves that may be struggling just doesn’t work.
This is when the 3-step method Just Say “Hi” ® just might work. You may start with step 2, Just Be Curious, asking some questions in a kind gentle voice, such as “is there something you need?”, or is there something that you would like me to know?
In my case, alcohol and drugs numbed emotions and blocked out memories that were too painful for me to deal with. Until I listened deeply to everything that parts of me had to say, I couldn’t give up the mind altering substances. First, I needed to learn how to be kind to the parts of myself that kept me alive and “Just Say Thank You” (step-2) to them even though the behavior appeared to be bad, dysfunctional and harmful.
The parts of me that drank and had abhorrent behavior were there for a reason, to protect me. And although it did not make sense to love and show appreciation for them, that is exactly what worked to help them begin to cooperate*.
Eventually, after embracing all of the aspects of myself, some finding new ways to use their skills and talents, the overall system became strong so that I could recover and become a successful, healthy and productive member of society.
*Note: This is a very simplified example of how the 3-step method works. It is strongly suggested that anyone with a diagnosis of DID or having trouble with substance abuse seek professional help.