I remember loving to play with books before I could actually read them. But before going to public school something happened that caused the long struggle with reading to begin, continuing up through and past the completion of a masters degree as an adult.
There was a part of me that was afraid to read, another part that was afraid to sit still and another part that believed that books were too dusty and had germs. These thoughts and behaviors could have been diagnosed as several mental health conditions, perhaps ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder), a phobia of books, or OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) but actually could be explained simply by one diagnosis, severe trauma or PTSD, occurring as a preschooler.
I had a deep desire to enjoy the pleasures and benefits of reading and after obtaining assistance with the technical aspects of reading I received a diagnosis for a reading disability and special accommodations to test for my professional licensure. This helped me to reach my goal to become a psychotherapist through required reading but I continued to hope that one day I would easily enjoy books for pleasure and relaxation like other people.
After achieving several great recovery milestones, studying and working with trauma experts personally and professionally, I further diagnosed myself with multiplicity. This led to the development of a method to treat DID which I used to help eliminate my aversion to reading. Although I had not developed the muscles in my eyes to scan words efficiently, I discovered why parts of me were afraid of reading and how we could instead work together to enjoy all kinds of books and my speed even began to improve.
I now have books in most rooms in my home and read throughout the day. And sometimes I still have to find a part of me that is willing to ask for help and to explain my reading challenges when I am learning something new. Remembering, it is never too late to grow; to utilize the amazing parts of yourself!.
Identifying parts of myself ultimately had the key to finding the joy of reading.